石头记

毕业后工作不久，某日，突然发现，两颗门牙变黑了。
大约是牙垢、牙石吧。只是看见龇牙的照片时略有不爽，也懒得搭理。

后来，拔牙时，顺带一问。说是色素沉着。
再问是否要洗牙。答曰，不用。
遂心安理得。

今年春节后，某日，突然发现，牙又变白了！
疑惑中……

今天体检，B超。
侧身后，待大夫呼噜两下，便欲起身。
被按下，嘱鼓肚皮。
然后悲剧了——肾结石……

问之，是否需要治疗。
答曰，不痛不用管……
忐忑中……

感情石头挪地方了……

I just want you to hold me

Original: I just want you to hold me

=====8<===== 似乎要翻墙 =====8<=====

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big

unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either ….but at least that she knows I'm smarter than her.